The Situation: He's an asshole, and a clever one at that.
Worst reactions: Blame yourself; retaliate; obsess over 'the other woman'; make generalizations about men like 'all men cheat.''
The short of it: Reflect, and then move on, girl.
Your friends thought he was nice. Your brother made him a popsicle airplane for Christmas. He never treated you with disrespect. Suddenly, you're crying on the bathroom floor and you don't know why. HOW could this happen!? He was the last man on earth you'd ever expect to cheat! What the hell do you do next, aside from throw him out?
Don't blame yourself, or allow him to assign the blame to you.
So many women retreat into the common tune of "I'm not good enough" when their man cheats...especially when it was unexpected. They assume that he cheated because "I'm too fat" "I'm too bitchy" "I didn't get along with his mother" etc. The bottom line? You could have been Heidi Klum with a Harvard degree and the cure for cancer. He cheated because HE DECIDED TO DO IT - not because you influenced him. Maybe things weren't golden in your relationship, but a real man steps up and ends things properly. Only a coward cheats. Stop blaming yourself - and god forbid the bastard tries to blame you himself, screen his calls and block his BBMs.
Retaliation against him or 'the other woman' will only make you look bad.
Just because this dude couldn't look any worse does not mean that you should stoop to meet him in dick-world. Verbal or physical retaliation takes the spotlight off of him, and redistributes it to you. He's the one who made a mistake - don't go tit for tat. The only thing your abuse will result in is prolonged hurt, and further attack. What could he possibly say to make up for what he did? What could the other woman possibly do aside from save face, or insult you further? Be the bigger woman -- you will save yourself karmically, and you will leave the burden on his conscience.
'The other woman' is NOT everything you lack, so stop painting it that way.
Women often assume that the other woman is everything she lacks herself. If you are insecure about your weight, you assume she's thin. If you have been nagging lately, you assume she's docile. If you worry that you are not smart enough, you assume she's a Nobel laureate. Stop making her out to be your boyfriend's solutions to your shortcomings. FIRST OF ALL - you are perfect just as you are, and if you don't know that already, it's time for reflection. SECONDLY - your boyfriend didn't cheat on you because of you. He cheated because of himself. Chances are, the other woman is nothing more than a drunk acquaintance or overzealous high school friend. Forget about her.
Scratch the words 'all men cheat/suck/wander' from your dictionary.
When you generalize, you send a message to the universe that says something like: "Yum! More of that, please!" You know deep in your heart that not all men are cheaters. If you don't know that, you're wounded and need time to firm up your heart. Perhaps this is not the first time that this has happened to you -- in which case, you can see how far that generalization has gotten you already. Restore your faith in love by any means possible, and say to yourself that this isn't it. There is a man waiting for you somewhere that is SO GREAT you can't even imagine him yet....this situation was the universe's method for getting his royal unworthiness out of your way.
Reflection: not the same as obsessive over-analysis.
Maybe that night when he said he was visiting his sister, he was with her. Those uncharacteristically nasty voicemails last week? Maybe she was with him. Don't turn this situation into an excuse to live out the Destiny's Child mega-hit, "Say My Name." Analyzing his every move (and yours) that led to this brick wall is regressive. Who CARES? Your analysis does not serve as a time warp that enables you to change the course of fate.
Reflection, however, is another story. Reflection is your time to come to terms with what happened, and protect yourself from experiencing this situation again. Ask yourself what insecurities came bubbling up in light of his behavior. Did you blame yourself first? Reflect on your reaction, not on the building blocks. Find out where you can grow, and turn his insensitivity into your dramatic comeback.
Take the time you need to cry. Purge your apartments of reminders of him. And when you're done with that? Strap on some heels, blast a good tune, go shopping, and hit the town. The Tampa Bay Lightning went from worst team in the NHL to Stanley Cup champions in one season. You'll go from wounded warrior to beautiful bombshell in no time!
Worst reactions: Blame yourself; retaliate; obsess over 'the other woman'; make generalizations about men like 'all men cheat.''
The short of it: Reflect, and then move on, girl.
Your friends thought he was nice. Your brother made him a popsicle airplane for Christmas. He never treated you with disrespect. Suddenly, you're crying on the bathroom floor and you don't know why. HOW could this happen!? He was the last man on earth you'd ever expect to cheat! What the hell do you do next, aside from throw him out?
Don't blame yourself, or allow him to assign the blame to you.
So many women retreat into the common tune of "I'm not good enough" when their man cheats...especially when it was unexpected. They assume that he cheated because "I'm too fat" "I'm too bitchy" "I didn't get along with his mother" etc. The bottom line? You could have been Heidi Klum with a Harvard degree and the cure for cancer. He cheated because HE DECIDED TO DO IT - not because you influenced him. Maybe things weren't golden in your relationship, but a real man steps up and ends things properly. Only a coward cheats. Stop blaming yourself - and god forbid the bastard tries to blame you himself, screen his calls and block his BBMs.
Retaliation against him or 'the other woman' will only make you look bad.
Just because this dude couldn't look any worse does not mean that you should stoop to meet him in dick-world. Verbal or physical retaliation takes the spotlight off of him, and redistributes it to you. He's the one who made a mistake - don't go tit for tat. The only thing your abuse will result in is prolonged hurt, and further attack. What could he possibly say to make up for what he did? What could the other woman possibly do aside from save face, or insult you further? Be the bigger woman -- you will save yourself karmically, and you will leave the burden on his conscience.
'The other woman' is NOT everything you lack, so stop painting it that way.
Women often assume that the other woman is everything she lacks herself. If you are insecure about your weight, you assume she's thin. If you have been nagging lately, you assume she's docile. If you worry that you are not smart enough, you assume she's a Nobel laureate. Stop making her out to be your boyfriend's solutions to your shortcomings. FIRST OF ALL - you are perfect just as you are, and if you don't know that already, it's time for reflection. SECONDLY - your boyfriend didn't cheat on you because of you. He cheated because of himself. Chances are, the other woman is nothing more than a drunk acquaintance or overzealous high school friend. Forget about her.
Scratch the words 'all men cheat/suck/wander' from your dictionary.
When you generalize, you send a message to the universe that says something like: "Yum! More of that, please!" You know deep in your heart that not all men are cheaters. If you don't know that, you're wounded and need time to firm up your heart. Perhaps this is not the first time that this has happened to you -- in which case, you can see how far that generalization has gotten you already. Restore your faith in love by any means possible, and say to yourself that this isn't it. There is a man waiting for you somewhere that is SO GREAT you can't even imagine him yet....this situation was the universe's method for getting his royal unworthiness out of your way.
Reflection: not the same as obsessive over-analysis.
Maybe that night when he said he was visiting his sister, he was with her. Those uncharacteristically nasty voicemails last week? Maybe she was with him. Don't turn this situation into an excuse to live out the Destiny's Child mega-hit, "Say My Name." Analyzing his every move (and yours) that led to this brick wall is regressive. Who CARES? Your analysis does not serve as a time warp that enables you to change the course of fate.
Reflection, however, is another story. Reflection is your time to come to terms with what happened, and protect yourself from experiencing this situation again. Ask yourself what insecurities came bubbling up in light of his behavior. Did you blame yourself first? Reflect on your reaction, not on the building blocks. Find out where you can grow, and turn his insensitivity into your dramatic comeback.
Take the time you need to cry. Purge your apartments of reminders of him. And when you're done with that? Strap on some heels, blast a good tune, go shopping, and hit the town. The Tampa Bay Lightning went from worst team in the NHL to Stanley Cup champions in one season. You'll go from wounded warrior to beautiful bombshell in no time!
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