He says: "I don't deserve you."

The Situation: 1) He doesn't feel like doing what it takes to make it work, 2) you've made him feel insecure by trying to change him, 3) he has major self-esteem issues.
Worst reactions: Down-play your value/education/beauty/ambition in hopes that he'll stay; promise to over-compensate for what he lacks.

The short of it: Move on, girl.

Someone call the Pope: we have a martyr and he's gunning to be canonized! Before we book our flights to Vatican City for the ceremony, perhaps we should consider which of the three translations best applies to your relationship.



He doesn't feel like doing what it takes to make it work.
This guy knows there's a problem, and frankly, he does not want to fix it.  Maybe he's sick of your nagging, or perhaps you've never nagged at all.  Something just isn't right here.  Rather than digging to the root of the issue--which, if he were hopelessly in love, would be natural--he has decided to leave you gently.  His exit is wrapped in a compliment: you're too good for me, baby.  This is the guy that uses this exact excuse every time there is trouble.  He'd rather walk away than fight for change, so let him.  Chances are he's got another girl waiting in the wings, or he's too lazy/uncommitted to deal with the bad stuff.  Either way, he's not the one.


You've made him insecure by trying to change him.
Admit it.  You've been on his case.  Every time he turns around, there's a text from you saying: "Why didn't you call me when you knew my dog threw up last night?"  "Why do you always ignore me when you're drinking?"  "Is it that hard to send me a text every night of Hanukkah with a Jewish prayer transcribed into English?"


Girl, calm your ass down.  Men don't change because you want them to change.  They change because of a natural evolution of life, or out of personal will.  Your nagging won't make him any different today than he was yesterday, and frankly he will get sick of it.  If we're already at the point where he is now convinced he doesn't deserve you, it may be too late.  Pull back, dwell on the good, and decide what you can live without.  If any of his behaviors are too unsavory to be overlooked, then end it now.  He will thank you for it later.


He has major self-esteem issues.
Let's get clear: you are effing fantastic.  You're smokin' hot, intelligent, worldly, and fun.  His friends love you, that Rangers jersey he bought looks great on you, and overall things are peachy.  He realizes that he has all of this at his fingertips, and what does he do? Retreats.  It's like refusing a water bottle after you've been lost in the Sahara for days.  


This one is tough.  You may feel compelled to mother him, convince him otherwise, or pick up the pieces of his broken ego.  Or maybe--and this is much, much worse--you are considering down-playing your accomplishments for his benefit.  That opportunity to go abroad for a semester? It'll come around some other time, and he'd feel so sad if you left.  That amazing job offer? He'll die if he knew you made more money.  


DO NOT dim your light for him, girl.  You can't fix something that is broken, either.  If he has self-image issues, you can remind him of all the reasons why you fell in love.  If that doesn't work? Suggest real help or walk away.  You are responsible for your own happiness, first and foremost.  Whatever you do, never allow someone else to make you insecure for your achievements.

In the words of our favorite guru, Marianne Williamson, "There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

Take those words to heart.  You ROCK- and if that makes him shrink in your presence, then tough.